Tonight's Curb Your Enthusiasm brought to mind on of my greatest ideas ever; profiling on airplanes. No, not that type of profiling. Tonight's episode started with Larry seated on a plane in the boarding process when the greatest thing happened to him; an attractive woman sat next to him. Compete luck of the draw. Well, not really, it was scripted. In real life, though, complete luck of the draw.
My idea to make this process a little less random? The airlines should give you the option of linking up your social networking sites (specifically Facebook and Twitter) to your frequent flyer account. Think about it, when you're selecting your seat you can click on the seat next to you to see who you're going to be sitting next to. The airlines could even charge for it. By now, you're probably thinking one of two things; what a pig, he only wants to sit next to attractive women or only guys would use this service. Wrong.
As a rather tall and wide fella (not quite as tall as wide), I prefer to not sit next to someone of similar shape and size as me. The 5'7 140lb guy who doesn't have a twitter page meaning he doesn't find it necessary to share every single thought? Perfect, sign me up. Profile picture with the wife and no sign of kids? Even better, I don't have to hear about his kid's soccer game. The attractive woman with the profile picture of her and her friends at the beach? Eh, unless I took down a drunk unruly passenger, she probably isn't going to take her head out of whatever she's reading.
As for this being only used by guys? Doubt it. A few weeks ago, my friend happened to luck out on her flight back home and was seated next to a Med student that went to a Division I school on an athletic scholarship. Her words? I believe they were something like, "Jackpot!" Now, I'm pretty sure that he was actually more psyched to sit next to her than she was to him, or at least he should have been, but why leave to chance making your flight a little more enjoyable? You don't think a woman wants to avoid sitting next to the guy with the shirtless self photo in the mirror profile picture?
Major US airlines made $2 billion in baggage fees last year and people went out of their way to NOT check bags. This "profiling" is a service that people would be tripping over to use whether they want to admit it or not. They could charge $10 a flight for the privilege of seeing your seatmates. Want to see who you're sitting next to, but don't want anyone to see you? That will be $20 please. It is a win win for everyone; the poor airlines can finally make a little money and you can improve your four hour flight to Salt Lake City. Wouldn't you pay $10 to avoid this situation?
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Thursday, August 4, 2011
These pretzels are making me thirsty!
Kramer never got to say his line in Woody Allen's movie, but I say it to myself every single time I get the pretzels on the plane ride home.
"So, why do you do it," you may be asking the inanimate computer screen you're reading this on. The screen's answer? Well, it can't answer because as I mentioned a minute ago, it is an inanimate object. My answer? I don't know.
I literally just finished eating my bag of pretzels seconds ago. Now I am thirsty as he'll because that half a shot of coke just really didn't do the trick. The other options of peanuts or cookies just aren't that appealing. The peanuts are going to make me just as thirsty and I usually feel sick to my stomach after eating them. The cookies? I have no idea how Delta gets away with calling them cookies. They don't resemble any type of cookie that I'm familiar with and if you have seen me, you know I've seen my fair share of cookies.
I guess part of my decision was based off of the weird travel times this week. I left DTW on Monday at 10:30AM EST and flew to Salt Lake City which is two hours behind us (yes, I have an EST bias, I assume everyone that reads this is in that time zone) and a four hour flight. That means I landed at 12:30 Utah time (yes, I don't know what they call that time zone and I'm too lazy to google it right know), but it was 2:30PM my time. That meant about mid-flight when they were bringing around the cart, I was hungry. Enter the pretzels. And tonight, I was supposed to take off at 5:30PM Utah time (it ended up being 6:30 due to mechanical problems). Now my body was adjusted to eating on Utah time. I was starving when they brought the cart around and when I land at DTW at 11:30PM EST, I know nothing in the airport will be open. Enter the pretzels again.
I guess the thirst makes me forget about the hunger, it sure beats the peanut stomach ache, and it sure beats the mystery Delta "cookie."
"Why don't you bring food on the plane," you're asking your inanimate screen. We covered this, stop talking to your screen and expecting an answer. Just keep reading...I like to pretend that you haven't checked out of this post three paragraphs ago to go stalk your ex on Facebook. Don't be the person to bring smelly ass food on the plane. DON'T EVER BE THAT PERSON. I, and everyone else on the plane don't want to smell your Taco Bell for a four hour flight. We don't.
Just suck it up. Just eat the pretzels. Besides, it gives you something to blog about to keep your mind off how freaking hungry and, now, thirsty you are.
Ryan Bingham
PS
This is my first post from a mile high. I'm a member of the "mile high" club now, right?
PPS
Today's blog was brought to you by free GoGo Wireless. That's right kids, GoGo is free on Delta flights during August. Just enter DIETCOKEGOGO in the coupon area when they ask for payment. See, there was SOME value in hanging in there through this entire post.
"So, why do you do it," you may be asking the inanimate computer screen you're reading this on. The screen's answer? Well, it can't answer because as I mentioned a minute ago, it is an inanimate object. My answer? I don't know.
I literally just finished eating my bag of pretzels seconds ago. Now I am thirsty as he'll because that half a shot of coke just really didn't do the trick. The other options of peanuts or cookies just aren't that appealing. The peanuts are going to make me just as thirsty and I usually feel sick to my stomach after eating them. The cookies? I have no idea how Delta gets away with calling them cookies. They don't resemble any type of cookie that I'm familiar with and if you have seen me, you know I've seen my fair share of cookies.
I guess part of my decision was based off of the weird travel times this week. I left DTW on Monday at 10:30AM EST and flew to Salt Lake City which is two hours behind us (yes, I have an EST bias, I assume everyone that reads this is in that time zone) and a four hour flight. That means I landed at 12:30 Utah time (yes, I don't know what they call that time zone and I'm too lazy to google it right know), but it was 2:30PM my time. That meant about mid-flight when they were bringing around the cart, I was hungry. Enter the pretzels. And tonight, I was supposed to take off at 5:30PM Utah time (it ended up being 6:30 due to mechanical problems). Now my body was adjusted to eating on Utah time. I was starving when they brought the cart around and when I land at DTW at 11:30PM EST, I know nothing in the airport will be open. Enter the pretzels again.
I guess the thirst makes me forget about the hunger, it sure beats the peanut stomach ache, and it sure beats the mystery Delta "cookie."
"Why don't you bring food on the plane," you're asking your inanimate screen. We covered this, stop talking to your screen and expecting an answer. Just keep reading...I like to pretend that you haven't checked out of this post three paragraphs ago to go stalk your ex on Facebook. Don't be the person to bring smelly ass food on the plane. DON'T EVER BE THAT PERSON. I, and everyone else on the plane don't want to smell your Taco Bell for a four hour flight. We don't.
Just suck it up. Just eat the pretzels. Besides, it gives you something to blog about to keep your mind off how freaking hungry and, now, thirsty you are.
Ryan Bingham
PS
This is my first post from a mile high. I'm a member of the "mile high" club now, right?
PPS
Today's blog was brought to you by free GoGo Wireless. That's right kids, GoGo is free on Delta flights during August. Just enter DIETCOKEGOGO in the coupon area when they ask for payment. See, there was SOME value in hanging in there through this entire post.
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