Baby's first Vegas!

Yes, I ventured to Vegas for the first time ever.  No, I am not the "Baby" referenced in the title.  That will be a subject tackled later in this post.

I've always been told how much I would love Vegas.  I was given an overwhelming amount of advice on "how to handle Vegas" for the first time; pace yourself, you have to see a show, avoid marble steps, watch out for poison ivy even though you're in the middle of the freaking desert, set limits for yourself if you're gambling, eat at the buffets, etc.  I took it all under advisement, but in the end, I just did what I wanted to.  And, now here comes my unsolicited advice and review of Vegas.

Pace Yourself
Seriously.  Start applying that rule to when you get to the airport for your flight to Vegas.  I arrived the recommended 90 minutes early for my 10:10PM flight.  After breezing through security, I sat in the Sky Club at DTW for the next 60 minutes throwing back vodka-sodas.  One of the bad things about the Sky Clubs at DTW is that they don't have bar tenders; you're responsible for pouring your own drink.  Needless to say, my hand was a little heavy.  I'm feeling pretty good when I get to the gate and I was upgraded to first class so the free drinks were going to keep flowing.  And, boy, did they.  I fired up my iPad and logged on to the free GoGo Wireless (sorry, that ride ended in August on Delta).  The neat thing about logging on is the ability to track your flight's progress on a map.  After a few more vodka sodas and emails that I didn't remember sending until I got back from Vegas, I quickly realized that I hadn't paced myself.  I started sweating profusely and had the uneasy feeling that I was about to see my liquid dinner soon.  I quickly looked at my flight tracker to check to see how close we were to Vegas; bad news, haven't even reached Colorado yet.  I immediately understood why people wig the eff out on planes.  I wanted to be on the ground more than anything in the world.  I honestly didn't care how it happened, I just wanted to be on the ground.  Now, I didn't flip my cookies like some people, I just sat quietly, sweat a lot, and eventually fell asleep...or passed out.  Next thing I knew, we were on the ground and people were getting off the plane.  Seriously, pace yourself starting at the airport.

Accommodations
I stayed at the Luxor.  The rooms are ok, the pool is pretty nice (but I highly recommend paying to get reserved chairs with an umbrella at the private pool unless you like standing shoulder to shoulder in what I have to imagine is half water and half urine), the casino is too dark for my liking and didn't gamble a dime there.  The property is on the end of the strip so you're pretty far from, well, everything.  There aren't any restaurants in there to speak of.  It always seemed like it took me half an hour to get to my room once I was inside the building, but I think that might be by design to get me to stop and gamble.  I don't really have a recommendation for where to stay, I was OK with the room, I just think there is better.

Old Vegas or Old Town
That place was deader than a doornail.  Seriously.  Don't go.  When we walked into the first casino there I said to Davis, "Is this where people go right before they kill themselves? One last shot to see if their luck will turn around and then walk in front of a bus on a busy fast road that doesn't seem like it should be fast or busy or a road since it is under the cover of that stupid tv roof?"  Yeah, I almost walked in front of a bus because I had no idea that a road would run through a place that seemed like it was inside a building.  And, no, I hadn't been drinking yet.  But, seriously, that place is depressing.

Gambling Spots
FYI, I only play Black Jack; simple game, few rules to follow, good slow game for five friends to sit at a table and have some fun.  Harrah's has a special place in my heart because it was the hottest BlackJack table of the trip (right before I had to leave for the airport, of course).  The dealers were incredibly nice and sociable.  New York New York and Flamingo also had pretty good tables with great dealers.  I really think the dealers make the table in Black Jack.  Even when I wasn't winning, a fun dealer could make you want to stay; a far cry from the Detroit casinos where I think they're more depressed than those playing for their rent.  Places I wouldn't go back to gamble at?  Imperial Palace, O'Shea's (I'll never understand why we were there), Paris, and Hard Rock.

Hot Women to Your Door in 20 Minutes
You can't cross the street in 20 minutes in Vegas.  There is no way a hooker is making it to your hotel room in 20 minutes.  I didn't put it to the test, but I'm pretty confident that they aren't offering a Domino's 30 minutes or it is free offer.

Babies
The number of strollers I saw on the strip was ALARMING!  I'm talking about babies in strollers on the strip at 2AM!  What the hell!  One, it is crowded enough without having to dodge your brat carrier. Two, what in the hell are you doing bringing your kid to Vegas?!  Did they not get the memo that Vegas gave up on that "family destination" crap years ago?  If your kid isn't 21, you shouldn't bring them to Vegas. Period.  What is the point?  I've heard of baby's first trip to Disney, but baby's first trip to Vegas?  Sorry, you have failed so early at parenting.  If you get off a plane in Vegas with a baby and you aren't visiting relatives in the area, Child Protective Services should just take the kid(s) right then.  Seriously, there is nothing to do in Vegas for kids under the age of 21.

So, that's it.  That's my unsolicited advice/review of Vegas.  I had a great time!  Oh, one more thing.  Plan on taking the day after you get back off from work as well; you'll need it.

Ryan Bingham